Tuesday, June 14, 2011

My Heart Aches

This is going to be a sad post. So, if you are not really wanting to read something down and serious please move along to the next post in your blog reader.

So one of my worst fears is losing my child, even more so losing them to a pool. I have let myself fo down that horrible road of imagining it and what the feelings would be like, the sheer panic and terror. Living in Tucson where it is extremly and brutally hot there are a lot of swimming pools. Every year the news stories stream across my tv and radio. Every year children die in water. It is so horrible and all it takes is 30 seconds of having your mind and watchful eye distracted. Even if there are a lot of people by the pool it can happen- I have seen it almost happen when we have been gathered by the pool because everyone thinks someone else is watching.

Friends this can happen to anyone of us. Not one of us is perfect and I know I have been distracted from my children while we are by a pool.

This past Sunday it happened to a child of a family that goes to my church. She was 2, her name was Olivia. I don't know this family personally, although some of our friends do. But really, I do know them and you do to. It is me, it is you, my heart just aches so much for this family.

I sat on my patio last night exhausted after a long day of work, household work and kids and I was just so tired. But I had both of my babies. I thought about the huge, empty space in that home. I thought about the little bed that would be empty and the heart in that home even emptier. I thought about how I would never be able to eat, sleep, function if that were to happen to me. The family has two other little girls, 4 and 6 and they were there during this all. What do you tell those little girls? Why is this fair? Why them?

I know I love the Lord and I know that the Lords thoughts and plans are far above mine. I can only pray for this family. Pray that they can somehow move through the steps a day, an afternoon, an hour, moments at a time. Will you please pray for them too?

Friday, June 10, 2011

God speaks in mysterious ways...

Hang with me- it will all come around :)

So, I have been doing a new bible study with the Good Morning Girls which includes diggin into the word daily and sharing our thoughts and feeeling and prayers in a private group on facebook. I have really been enjoying it- it definitely keeps me more accountable and I love that. In general, since we have made some work changes, like me working much, much less and PJ starting with a new company, things have been tight. Being at home is hard work, it is fun and wonderful to be with the kids but keeping up with the household, keeping them into activities and out of fighting and staying sane is something I am still working on (especially the sanity part, lol).

Anyways, this morning I left the house for my morning job and decided I was feeling rather worn out so I decided to take the time and walk and not listen to my Ipod but rather just let myself pray and meditate with God. About halfway through my route I was asking God if he could please give me a sign today and speak to me to let me know he was with me, that he was there supporting me and loving me. WHACK!!! I was wacked in the head with something!!

WHAT WAS THAT?!? I whipped my head around so fast, sure to catch a punk kid or something up throwing things at the innocent exercisers- when I noticed


Huh? A bird hit me in the head? He flew up to a tree on the other side of the road. Normally, I would have chalked this up to randomness, but I am a believing woman folks! When I shook off the surprise and carried on the thoughts went something like this: really God, a bird? Was that bird the sign God? Why a bird? Did I really need the bird to smack me in the head- what am I to learn from this? Well, thanks, I guess, I know you are with me? Oh and thanks for not having the bird poop on my hair.

It was rather funny really, I think God has a really great sense of humor, excuse me Kodi, my creation, yes dear, I am here, Oh lets just send this bird to her, that will let her know I am with her! It was funny- God knows way more than me so I am sure I needed the wake up call! You would think that the day that follows a bird wacking from God would be different, but so far it has been a pretty normal day.

Oh and on a side note, I never thought the original The Birds film by Alfred Hitchcock was all that scary, but today I changed my mind! They are meaty little creatures!

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend and remember- God is always with you! :)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Do you neighbor?

i like our neighborhood.

for the most part our community is pretty cool. when we first looked here i was able to see past the pepto-bismol pink exteriors and i was immediately sucked in by the mature trees that lined a walking path and the tidy yards..... and the clincher- you know ladies the one that made you see everything in rose-colored lenses....was a lemonade stand on the corner of our street. two sweet kiddos selling lemonade under a big, gorgeous tree on a hot summer day. it was sweet and what i wanted for my kiddos. time has gone by so quickly that i cannot believe we have been here for almost 3 years- it has gone by super, duper fast with all the renovations (the rose colored lenses convinced us it would be "fun" to fix up a fore-closure together- BAHAHAHAHAHA).

there is only one thing i don't love- our neighbors.

once about two years ago we were invited to their house where they were really pushing their twin daughters to babysit. which was great and a wonderful idea, but we had just met them and we are so blessed to have family here that babysits for free. so i am not sure if it was that we did not accept the babysitting offer or that we didn't have them over to our torn-apart house in return, but since that day they have become increasingly less friendly, well, not friendly at all.

the neighbors just next to them, which we call "the canadians" since they are from canada (i know we are super original) were at this said bbq also and are even less friendly if possible. it is completely weird to me that i can full on wave to them everyday and not receive even a head nod- i just was not raised to be so rude! (might i just add that we never called them "the canadians" in public, only after the bbq and brush off).

it is kind of sad. i am sad about it. we tend to make friends pretty easy and we are pretty friendly people and lets face it i have a hard time with people not liking me- the audacity right? i am not sure what we did or didn't do but it sucks and makes me angry- especially since they have a son only a year or two older than kash.

i sometimes let my insecurities get the best of me and think, it is totally our plain, dirt/rock yard- so boring, who would want to be friends with people with such a ugly yard? maybe i had a giant booger on my face at the bbq that fell on my hamburger and i ate it and everytime they see me they remember the booger and throw up a little- is that possible? i know i should just let this go but i haven't and it sucks. so i have decided to just keep on waving and smiling, hopefully one day we can have bbq's and hang out and our kiddos can have sleepovers. until them it is them and us and my dreams of a lemonade stand.

We do have two friendly neighbors, just for the record. I like them.