Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Long Time, No Blog

Hi Friends- I think the title of this post captures it all! Long time- no blog. There have big big, huge, gynormous changes here in our home and blogging was the last thing on my mind. I decided at the end of July to take a full-time job at a mortgage company. At the time we really needed the income since PJ's industry has taken such a hit and while it was exciting and new, it has also been challenging and bittersweet. I HATE being away from my children- we have the best sitter in the world and I know they are so safe while they are with her, but my heart aches while I am away from them. The job I took is very high stress and one mistake can make a big mess for a homebuyer and/or my company. Over time I suppose you can say I have gotten used to working, but everything still feels very temporary, like I am acting- since I am really supposed to be home with my babies. Time goes by even faster now and I am thankful for the very few hours a night I get to see the kiddos. I am goign to be very honest since this is my blog and I feel very much like venting right now but I am not sure this is going to last. In truth, betwwn the cost of childcare, gas, work clothes and my happiness and sanity, PJ and I feel that it really has not been worth it. I am in such a yucky position right now because of who my boss is- I love her and don't want to hurt or dissapoint her, but I also want to do what is best for my family. PJ is also encouraging me ot come home, he says the whole house was a ton more happier when I was home, but this isn''t his issue to deal with, it is mine. The problem is, I took this job with the committment to learn it and do it well, but as of right now, it is beating me up! When I stayed home I always felt like I wasn't PJ or to all my working friends conversations.... and I also felt like I was missing out a little. But they say the grass is always greener and that is exactly how I feel right now. I wish I wasn't such a baby and I could just (for lack of a better term) cowboy up and tell my boss the truth. But until that time comes I am still punching the time clock.

So there it is, that is why I have been MIA. Between bouts of crying, thinking, laughing and a whole lot of praying I have made my blog re-debut. I hope you will welcome me back and I will try to update on a regular basis now. With Love xoxo Kodi


ARob said...

Hi Kodi! Hang in there! It sounds like you know what the right thing to do with, but it is always hard to change plans/commitments! Big Hugs to you!! ~Amanda

Jen said...

So difficult! Best of luck with whatever you choose to be. Doing the right thing never seems to be easy.

Thinking of you!