Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Long Time, No Blog

Hi Friends- I think the title of this post captures it all! Long time- no blog. There have big big, huge, gynormous changes here in our home and blogging was the last thing on my mind. I decided at the end of July to take a full-time job at a mortgage company. At the time we really needed the income since PJ's industry has taken such a hit and while it was exciting and new, it has also been challenging and bittersweet. I HATE being away from my children- we have the best sitter in the world and I know they are so safe while they are with her, but my heart aches while I am away from them. The job I took is very high stress and one mistake can make a big mess for a homebuyer and/or my company. Over time I suppose you can say I have gotten used to working, but everything still feels very temporary, like I am acting- since I am really supposed to be home with my babies. Time goes by even faster now and I am thankful for the very few hours a night I get to see the kiddos. I am goign to be very honest since this is my blog and I feel very much like venting right now but I am not sure this is going to last. In truth, betwwn the cost of childcare, gas, work clothes and my happiness and sanity, PJ and I feel that it really has not been worth it. I am in such a yucky position right now because of who my boss is- I love her and don't want to hurt or dissapoint her, but I also want to do what is best for my family. PJ is also encouraging me ot come home, he says the whole house was a ton more happier when I was home, but this isn''t his issue to deal with, it is mine. The problem is, I took this job with the committment to learn it and do it well, but as of right now, it is beating me up! When I stayed home I always felt like I wasn't PJ or to all my working friends conversations.... and I also felt like I was missing out a little. But they say the grass is always greener and that is exactly how I feel right now. I wish I wasn't such a baby and I could just (for lack of a better term) cowboy up and tell my boss the truth. But until that time comes I am still punching the time clock.

So there it is, that is why I have been MIA. Between bouts of crying, thinking, laughing and a whole lot of praying I have made my blog re-debut. I hope you will welcome me back and I will try to update on a regular basis now. With Love xoxo Kodi